I'll Give You This

I look at you.
Not with judgement but with a searching look,
that leaves my eyes vacant.
I am judging myself.
How are we friends?
How did my youth prepare me for your adulthood?
How is sistership like this supposed to sail in uncharted waters.
I sink.

I see you smile and I don't want it explained.
I can be over things.
Feelings, emotions - even weight.
I cant justify my looks,
but I can tell you this:

I would back away from any confrontation and let you shine.
I would look down if you needed me to.
I would walk slowly backwards, stumbling even,
to not meet your eyes.

If you would have looked you would have seen,
the flicker of disappointment set in.
Then light a fire.

If I were your true friend I would forgive you this.
Is that a blanket statement?
Because I'll wear it like a scout at a campfire.

I'll do what I need to do to keep being friends with you.

I'll tell you the things you shouldn't hear.
I'll listen to the things you shouldn't say.

I'll fiercely protect you from anyone who might be misguided.
I will.

I'll be the friend I never imagine being,
and you can keep being the girl I did not think you were.

And we can laugh.
Heartily