A few months ago my brother asked where my blogging had gone?
I never responded.
Because I like to think it went somewhere.
I like to think that in the months I was silent,
you were aware...
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Your Sister
I get the kids to bed.
I imagine myself falling apart when they are asleep. So they may still think I have it all together.
Such Innocence.
Their lunch divided into all pink containers of sweets and only their most favorite of foods.
Because their mother knows best, and often, and is always on time.
I get them into their beds and I race down to pour my words out.
Almost said, "my heart out." But, my heart is racing, beating too fast-
that I cant contain it and squeeze out words.
I can just push buttons.
Emergency Exits. Stop. Guilt. Sisters.
But, I am a mother first.
And I AM always there first.
I pull into the parking lot of my daughters school excited to see her every single day.
We have been apart for 6 hours and forty five minutes.
And every single day, I am the only mother brimming with excitement.
I have missed you, my daughter, for six hours and forty five minutes.
And my other two girls are still home bound. One is in school for three hours and the other hardly ever leaves my side.
Except now when they are in their beds, and I can be something other than their mother.
I can be someone I was before.
Your sister.
I imagine myself falling apart when they are asleep. So they may still think I have it all together.
Such Innocence.
Their lunch divided into all pink containers of sweets and only their most favorite of foods.
Because their mother knows best, and often, and is always on time.
I get them into their beds and I race down to pour my words out.
Almost said, "my heart out." But, my heart is racing, beating too fast-
that I cant contain it and squeeze out words.
I can just push buttons.
Emergency Exits. Stop. Guilt. Sisters.
But, I am a mother first.
And I AM always there first.
I pull into the parking lot of my daughters school excited to see her every single day.
We have been apart for 6 hours and forty five minutes.
And every single day, I am the only mother brimming with excitement.
I have missed you, my daughter, for six hours and forty five minutes.
And my other two girls are still home bound. One is in school for three hours and the other hardly ever leaves my side.
Except now when they are in their beds, and I can be something other than their mother.
I can be someone I was before.
Your sister.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Minimum Payment
It all comes back in circles from here. Even the things we did not say. Even the words I dared myself to write.
Or right.
But it's all wrong and all not taken.
Because, I'm sitting here now- months after the facts.
weeks after the feelings.
Days,
moments-
seems like yesterday.
when it was long before this calender month.
And I'm eating the words I never said.
They taste like cardboard, cut up-
tiny,
to get it all down.
But, that's how it goes.
In circles.
From here.
From Now on.
Because we at least have to pay the minimum payment.
And this is my due.
Interest free.
This is my blog.
Read it.
Because in the missing pages of this blog.
Is the hardest cardboard to digest.
Or right.
But it's all wrong and all not taken.
Because, I'm sitting here now- months after the facts.
weeks after the feelings.
Days,
moments-
seems like yesterday.
when it was long before this calender month.
And I'm eating the words I never said.
They taste like cardboard, cut up-
tiny,
to get it all down.
But, that's how it goes.
In circles.
From here.
From Now on.
Because we at least have to pay the minimum payment.
And this is my due.
Interest free.
This is my blog.
Read it.
Because in the missing pages of this blog.
Is the hardest cardboard to digest.
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