Another Accessory

Hate isn't such a big word after all. It's small enough to fit in your purse. To wear it like a satchel over your shoulder. To take it out and use it at family gatherings.
So Handy.
Like when I see you smile and I have to think of a word that does not start with bitch.
I always have hate.
Its comforting. A plaything to toss back and forth in my hands, just to keep me warm and satisfied.
Easier than thinking up new words to disguise my feelings.
"Oh she's Sweet." Or "Isn't her whole family just lovely?"
Sweet, lovely. Makes me want to swing my purse full of hate in her face.
Imagine how she would look with my contents staining her white skirts.
My hate, my angst.
My G-d awful excuses.
"No, I can not watch your son. Your daughter. Your house. Your home. Your life. I'm busy."
Or bored. Maybe even a little bit of sad.
Walking, sometimes even running, anywhere but here...
with a very big word stuffed inside my bag.