Can I Ask You To Say A Few Words For Me?

You ridicule me.
Your sentence just starts travelling and I explode.
Your hands on my shoulder massaging an ache...
and I turn on you.
My eyes more green then grey.
My "What?" has more spit in it than force.
But I want to say "Why?"

"What did you just say to me?"
That's a question you can repeat.
But "Why did you just say that to me?"
I'm not sure you really even know.

We make ourselves excuses,
and then we drape ourselves in them.
But, I want you naked.
Stop hiding. Excuse yourself.

Come out and let me ask you why?
Why?
And in your answer I will dress you the way you appear to me.
Red.
Because you are bold, where I am weak.
You are sure, where I am uncertain.

And repetitive.
Why?
Why?
Why?

Love Leaks

Love leaks.
I've always thought that.
You can have alot. You can feel like you couldn't possibly love him more. Harder. Deeper.
You walk around with the smile of satisfaction filling your face and everyone knows your in love.
But, try just once to transport it and it leaks.
I loved you in Toronto,
I carried my love in what felt like Ziploc bags, piled high in my arms.
This is how I love you, I seemed to say.
Labeled reasons not ever enough to show you just how much I cared.
But we travelled too much.
You didn't always sleep in my bed.
Your face had marks from the couch,
telling me how comfortable and just how close you got to the leather.
Love leaks.
Slowly,
And before I knew it, Some of my bags had nothing in it.
Just labels on empty Ziploc bags.
"Your smile" says one. And I try to remember.
Did I really love your smile once.
Now it appears planned.
Always on your face before the joke even leaves my lips.
And love leaks,
You get as close as you can. You love as deep as you imagine you can go. You hold on.
You make promises.
But, then it starts to leak.
and trickle out.
And we look up, into each others eyes...
and pretend we don't feel this wet.

There goes my time

There goes my time.

Alloted for and spent with sunshines and tangled knots in my daughters hair. The sand inbetween my toes and on the bottom of my pants. The way you look at me beneath your sunglasses. The sun keeps setting, till there are no more. You point out an eclipsed moon, but i will catch it later.

All later.

When im sitting down and my knees cant reach my chest. And my chest seems gripped with a spasm or an ache. But it's not right. And I like to imagine how i will be remembered.

In black. Happiest with my kids.

my blackberry got me used to life with no periods

my brother said,

"write it all down. there should be nothing that embarrasses you."

i agree

then turn red.

and away

from places we might never drive to together

alone i go so fast

past places i used to recognize

then forgot

with a soundtrack of sadness

and a bag of tears

unopened

on the passenger seat.

"write it all down"

i agreed.

it embarrasses me.