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I know it will be here soon.

The wave of sadness that can not be held.

I know, because I have held it before.

I have held it close to my chest.

My arms overflowing with this great sadness.

I have carried it out of my house,

and into my car,

and drove it over to my mothers.

"Here mommy, " I say clutching my chest, "I am this sad."

But, she stands there too with her sadness.

Stands there smiling at me.

"Be thankful that she was your sister." Her smile tells me.

I know it's coming.

Tonight I put my daughters to bed.

I placed supper on a plate for my husband.

I kissed the kids, and read them stories.

I thought how good it will feel to scream in the shower.

I know it's coming.

I have held it in before.

I have spoken to my brothers of every possible situation,

all the what ifs and what did we haves?

A lifetime of love in just 34 years is too short.

It overflows in sadness.

It's almost here now.

I am really too little to feel this sad.

I am just a younger sister.

It's 99 percent here now,

this sadness.