So I cant get into my blog. But that's OK. Sometimes the best view is from the inside out. The outside looking in. I'm on your computer and I'm enjoying the sound of your keypad. Its louder then mine and it makes me feel more like a writer and less like myself. I cant possible feel less then I do already. tonight I got invited out with my husband out of default and i turned him down. ...by that same default. He left me sitting on our front steps and i sent him out with all the reassurance i could muster. He collected them like bouquets of forgiveness. But only a man accepts potted plants as flowers. My words were rooted to my heart. He took my words, but he cant keep them. They are attached to my heart with strings. He will know this when he comes back tonight, and I look as if i have been pulled.
I am not yesterdays girl. I am ever changing. I am moving so fast away from who i was.
but I want to pause.
and rewind.
was that me today sitting with my father. making him pull his legs in, so i could mope by his feet. Not answering any of his questions. posing only rhetoric's.
What if? is my mantra now.
what if I could stare right back at my reflection. And hold my own gaze.
I am falling apart. Halves and quarters and divided in widths.
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