She says, "say no once." And I nod like I understand. I back out of her driveway and drive backwards to my house. Going somewhere always takes longer. Coming back seems easier. I'm no fool, I know my way back home.
I know how to get there quick.
With her I try.
I spend one hour pushing myself to my max. Running in place never felt so moving.
I tire myself out, and to be honest I can get to Bathurst and still hear my lies,
Or the truth I wont speak.
"Yes," My nod agrees, "I will say no just once."
No.
Do not do this to me.
Do not make me watch those I love suffer.
Do not give me front row seats.
Do not make me look in the mirror and smile.
Do not leave me guilty for things I have.
No.
I can not say it
I can eat it. In double portions... with my favored feta cheese on top.
No.
I will not succeed.
I will exercise my hour away, but not the other 23.
No.
I can not do it.
I can not say no, not even once, out loud.
No,
No,
No.
It's so silent and pathetic the way "no" sounds in my kitchen,
With the sound of the oven humming,
and the dishes piled and discarded on my counter top.
No.
I did not say No even once today
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