Visions Of You

I love you silently, but i have the strongest voice. I use it sparingly, when once it was all i had. I'm in my own kitchen and your talking down to me. I smell feta cheese and watch your tears pierce your eyes. I speak calmly but with certainty. You are wrong.
The world has wronged us, but you have added your own insults to our injuries.
How can my mothers purse on my counter, evoke such pain? How does my grandmothers bowl of jewelry make me wince? Wasn't I made stronger? I feel the only combat to my weakness is high fat and sugar intake... because it binds me to my own selfish thoughts.
I want to reach you and touch you and hold you....
but I'm chained with my food and weighed down with this guilt.
I want to touch you and hold you and reach you...
But I'm in my kitchen, an hour before our conversation. And in this hour before our conversation, things seem important when really they are insignificant. I should let you walk out without crying, but i have to fight for my fathers dignity... because it seemed important.
But its not.
Honour falls thought the cracks.
Love blinds you and leaves you alone.
Sex makes you move to places you would never have gone to alone,
food fills you and leaves you with no room for anything else...
and time.... moves on throughout it all.

The hour passes and you call.
I read my mothers eyes, before I even have to hear her speak.
I feel so close to you and yet I can't touch you.
Because space has pulled us apart.
We are in different cities,
and when I talk to you, I fall silent.

And then after,
I see it in every ones eyes.
My mothers calm and certain stare.
My brothers bewildered eyes.
Mine are scared and wild,
and yours I can not see.

I love you silently, from afar.
Choking on my tears.
Unable to see far enough.