Filling In Blanks

How do you mourn? They want to ask, but that would be too bold. To obvious.
So instead, they clutch at straws and come up with words to break bread with,
"Your sister," They start and they never finish.
Because in their mind they know that they can't start.
They can't begin,
they can only add the ending,
"She should give you strength." or the famous, " You were blessed with her sisterhood."
So I dip my carbs into anything that looks remotely like mayonaise and fill in all the middles.
I retell the same stories.
I paint pictures of my sister in all her favorite colours, in the clothes she wore so well.
I say things like, "She was a light in this world." and "We were lucky to be loved by her."
But, I choke on my appetite.
It fills me up with all the wrong emotions.
Instead of feeling brutally sad, I feel horrible deep in denial.
I smile at strangers and laugh with those I love.
I tip toe out of my nightmares and lock the doors to my most favoirte memories.
"Come," I say, "Let's walk away from this."
But instead of walking away,
I walk in circles.